I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
