It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
