Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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