...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do vagina's smell?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
