If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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