so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
