If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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