I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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