Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
