i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
