Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
