So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i out mim tonsoeep
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