VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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