Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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