What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
