I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
where are my eyebrows?
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