All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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