CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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