Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
