my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
