Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
