When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
