I just pynch a tree in the face
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
