I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
