She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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