WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
