i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my phone needs a breathalizer
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
