me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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