why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I would fuck him just for his dog
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
