Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
