batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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