under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
