He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
