thus making me awesome and them whores
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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