Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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