So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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