i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
