Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
