I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
