there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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