i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
