I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
