Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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