I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
