we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
