hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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