I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
