I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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