Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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