My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
