They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
