thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
