I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
bring money and cleavage
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next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize