I love black thongs
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
