Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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