Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every concussion has its silver lining
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
