i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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