I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
