you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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