My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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