yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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