It's Friday. Sex?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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