I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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