if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
