Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
