Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
