she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
