Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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