Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
