I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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