And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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